Alvin
Melshanker's
Opinion
MORE MONEY
All this complaining about how much
money I and the Alvin Multimedia Corporation
are making from software sales is growing very tiresome.
I work hard, dag nab it, and I should get lots of money.
Click Here to see why I'm smarter than you
Alvin Multimedia Corporation
is now the proud owner
of the
I Hate Frames club
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 Alvin's Corp. To Exhibit Bigger Java Ball At COMDEX/Spring
Software Engineers at Alvin's Multimedia Corporation are in the final phase of developing what insiders are referring to as the "X Ball" an ActiveXplode version of the biggest Java ball ever to be displayed on the Internet. Heading the Project is Bud R. Fingers, who claimed on Friday that the "X Ball" will be at least four to five pixels bigger than "The Biggest Java Ball on the Web" and spin at least twice as fast. CEO Alvin Melshanker has made it quite clear that no upstart company is going to have bigger balls than us.
Alvin's Vaporware 8.3 To Be Released On Friday
In a bold move Monday, Uranus Teenysystems released the first wave of Internet computers. In a waterholders meeting on Thursday, Alvin's Corporation GICM (guy in charge of marketing) Mark Ed Down said, "The Uranus computer
is actually not that great, ours will have a lot more buttons and stuff." He told waterholders that "Right now the best strategy would be for us to simply sit back on our heels."
Vice president, Winowna Yachtoo, claimed that "The real key to this new Network Computing market is smoke and mirrors, and
as always, great packaging."
During the meeting, CEO Alvin Melshanker was able to contain himself enough not to blurt out any obscenities. He was however quoted as
saying "Everybody's fired."
New Internot Exploder 0.2 a Rip Roaring Success!
Not since sliced bread has there been anything as keen as Alvin Multimedia Corporation's Internot Exploder 0.2 .
AMC's IE has proven time and again to be the best software available for completely demolishing the billions
of pointless and outdated web pages scattered around the Internot. With well over 2300 plug-ins available, including
AMC's ShockSmell, AMC's VAOL (Virtual America Online) and AMC's "Dynamite This Site Of the Night"
no self respecting websurfer should (or legally can) be without it.
CLEAN THE WEB!!
DOWNLOAD SOON!
Why the New Look?
After a long drawn out court battle with Bud Uglly Design, the "Supreme Court on the Web" has allowed Alvin Corporation to redesign it's web site. In an unprecedented move, Judge Mental overturned Judge Foryorself's decision, citing
that "the contract made no sense" and "where's my two hundred thousand dollars?"
Alvin Melshanker was quoted as saying "Where the hell did I leave my stupid golf clubs?"
Alvins Multimedia Corporation Fourth Quarter Earnings
AMC has once again set a record for fourth quarter earnings. With numbers
ranging somewhere in the bazillions. Alvin Corporation is now believed to
have all the money. Asked to comment, Alvin Melshanker was quoted as saying
"Where the hell did I leave my stupid golf clubs?"
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