PLEASE WELCOME BERRY'S NEW DWIFE
Bud Uglly's head odf design, Berry Uglly, has reecently purchased a wife at "John-O's buy-a-woman website." Boi Ling will be shipped to Berry this coming june along wth manty members of the "Ling" family, including her father Dang, her mother Grovel, her twin sisters, Babble and May, and her little brother, Stands With a Fist.
Although some employees at Bud Uglly have said that it is unusual to buy your wife, Berry has indicated that he had to act now beecause she was on sale.
A large wedding extravaganza featuring the "Singing Drunks" polka band and a fifteen tier wedding ckae in the shape of Elvis (corutesy of the "Cake-O-Stars" bakery) will be held in the parking lot of the Kmart on Rt.47 just two miles south of the senic Wisconsin Dells. Be sure to bring your own Kariokee micropfone.
BERRIES NEW WIFE, BOI LING
(Berry is saving up to by some children soon.)
July 12th marks the tentative date for the company picnic provided "Al's Happy Day Campground" lets us use their facilities this yeart, which would be suprising given the fiasco at last years "Keg-O-Beer-Toss" the guys from Salon created. There will also be no "Hair Cutting contest" or "Javelin Catch" this year, however we will make another attempt at the Hewlet Packard tie-on-Three legged race, but Berry has been disqualified if he insits on whereing his propholactic leg again.
FEATURE CULINARY DELIGHTS:
Bratworst with Beer soaked Buns
Marges Better Jell-o Salad
Pork Chop Tartar
Ice cream that you need a steak knife to eat with.
Wet Sock Contest
FOR THE KIDDEES:
AOL-Disk Teepee Build
If you need your taxes done Berry will be helping emploeeys starting Aprril 16th.
INTER OFFICE BULLITEN BOARD
MEMO 1AD-007-5KL: A guard is being posted at the new electric pencil sharpener, due to the fact that ever pencil in the office is now 1 inch long. Also Bud is now reconsidering weather or not to purchase the long awated paper shredder.
MEMO 1AD-008-5KL: The practice of "Butt Xeroxing" must be stopped due to the wastege of vast amounts of paper. A lineup will be held on tuesday to try and ferret out the culprit.
MEMO CDB-O-ICDB: Emloyees are asked to pleas not over feed the water cooller golfish.
MEMO RUAPP-OO-IM12: The microwave in the west wing is in dire shape since the "cat drying" and needs a cleaning.
MEMO OU812: Whoiever is putting vodka in the coffe machine pleas stop as it's clogging up the filters.
LOST AND FOUND:
FOUND: CD-Disk, Microsofts Quick-and-easy Resumay Software, in Berry's CD-Drive.
FOUND: 1 pair, Home-of-the Wopper underware size 34
LOST: Three 1 inch pencils. Please return to Paul Zee
FOUND: A box of atom bomb components, in Laura Lynn's file cabinet
Marage n. Noll's RECIPEE CORNER
BETTER ICE CUBES
1 Ice Tray
1 Bottle Vodka
1 Frigidare Rifrigerator
I think you can figure this out.
2 6oz. Box Jell-o Brand Gelitan
1 Bottle Vodka
1 Frigidare Rifrigerator
Follow directions on box substituting the vodka for the water.
2 Cup Hungry Jerk Pankake mix
2 Dairy Fress Eggs
1 Bottle Captain Morgan Rum
1 Bottle Amiretto
Follow basic directions on box substituting milk or water with rum. Cook the panckaes in a buttered frying pan at 1 degree. Put panckaes on a plate. Generously douse with the Armaretto.
COME BACK NEXT YEAR FOR MORE HELPFUL COOKING TIPS!!
USEING THE PAPER CUTTER: Be carefull.
WHILE ADJUSTING YOUR CHAIR: Be carefull.
STAPELING: Be carefull.
TIP: If you not sure wether or not something might be unsafe, Just stand there.
TIP: Cellular phones can cause brain damage so be sure to hold them far away from yourr head of or were a lead helmet.
TIP: Always were protective goggles when using the staple remover thingy. If you think this is to cautious, ask Berry about his glass eye.
TIP: Asprins are not candy.
TIP: To help avoid paper cuts please be sure to use dull paper.
IMPORTANT: Remove all neckwear befor faxing.
Full Page Safety Chart
REECENT JOKES AROUND THE OFFICE
What's the differenc between a dead Microsoft employee and a dead skunk in the middle of the road? There's skid marks by the skunk.
How many Hewlett Packard employees does it take to change a lightbulb? none they'd rather be in the dark.
Cash you remind me what the pinchline is?
What do you do when your tooth falls out?
Get the tooth paste.
In order to tune up the humor at Bud Uglly Design, all employees are now required to visit the "Centre for the Easily Amused" but only during the 1 minute afternoon brake.
THIS WEEKS CAFETEERIA MENU:
Monday: Tater tots and tacos.
Tuesday: Tater tots and tacos.
Wendesday: Tater tots and tacos.
Thursday: Tater tots and tacos.
Friday: Pheasant, cornish game hens, Duck laorange, cavier, and those snail things.
POP MACHINE CONFIGURATION:
7up is in the Pepsi slot, Orange Crush is in the 7up slot, and Kayo is in the Orange Crush slot.
NEW PARKING RULES:
Employees are now asked to pleas park in between the yellow lines.
NOTE FROM BUD:
Does anybody know the last digit in "Sluty Janets" Phone number, the washroom stalls have been recently washed and it's now unlegible. Thanks.
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