Ow's Used Humor
The Historic (notice the way I capitalized that) archive of stuff from the once mighty website known as Ow! (ta dum)

Hey! Spanky's face.









USER SUBMITTED THINGYS
#14 12 Stoopid Definitions
#13 100 Rejected Smurf Names
#12 School & Work Excuses
#11 12 Stoopid Things #2
#10 12 Stoopid Things #1
#9 Dumping Lines
#8 How do you Spell Relief?
#7 100 Disney Movie Titles
#6 First Cartoon Contest (hehe, last cartoon contest too)
#5 Ow's Worst 100 Artists
#4 VH1's Top 100 Artists
#3 Torture Castro
#2 Barky's Random Movie Quotes
#1 Vacation Special


POLL RESULTS DO DADS
#26 April 98 - Cat/Snake Toilet Bout
#25 March 98 - Pope's Pointy Hat and hit the Spice Girls
#24 February 98 - Naked Flintstone/How do you say Super Size It
#23 January 98 - Are You At Work?/Car Names
#22 December 97 - Marge Simpson's Hair/Eighth Dwarf Name
#21 November 97 - Gluestick Sniffing/Time Travel
#20 October 97 - Captain Kirk's Hair/Hiding Dead Bodies
#19 September 97 - Stupidest Person on Gilligan's Island
#18 August 97 - Rush Limbaugh... a jerk?
#17 July 97 - New Kiddie Show Host.
#16 June 97 - Pet Rocks/Mid Mall Hostage
#15 May 97 - Disappearing Socks/Better Zine Names
#14 April 97 - Bat For Limb/Sucky Corporate Websites
#13 March 97 - Zingy Zine Name/Deserted Island
#12 Feb 97 - Interactive Television/Hokey Pokey
#11 Jan 96 - Microsoft's New Name/Cheese
#10 Nov 96 - Cool Replacement Part 2/Software Rip-Off
#9 Oct 96 - Replacement For Cool/Mouse Balls
#8 Sept 96 - Does Bill Gates enjoy ice cream?
#7 Mid Aug 96 - Why do the bad guys always win?
#6 Late July 96 - When will Microsoft own the universe?
#5 Mid July 96 - Will Explorer replace Navigator?
#4 July 96 - Do you think Netscape has too many silly features?
#3 June 96 - Do you wait for slow sites to load?
#2 Late May 96 - Too Many Website Graphics
#1 May 96 - Do Internet magazines have the same hot sites?


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WEEKLY QUESTION ARCHIVE
#75 Lame Excuse.
#74 Final Week of Weekly Questions. (4/98)
#73 Funny telephone buttons and Batman villains suck.
#72 Spanky gets shattered, and cheer up Max question.
#71 Nan's brother gets a new goldfish. (Spanky in Cryofreeze)
#70 Best way to empty your bladder.
#69 What will Sparky do with Spanky's body?
#68 Spanky Dies, Limited Collectors Edition.
#67 Bald people should rule the world.
#66 Will Yam Gates voice recognition system.
#65 Presidential sex life fascination.
#64 Googly-Eyed Day.
#63 Paula Jones should lay off Clinton.
#62 Medieval torture devices and Muzak.
#61 Most Embarrassing Moments.
#60 The "It's 1998" Special Edition.
#59 Is Cranky making you dinner?
#58 Xena, Warrior Princess Winter Special.
#57 Ignore the questions Special Edition.
#56 Cherries can't think of a question.
#55 Why is everyone talking about IE 4.0?
#54 Advice for jumping off a building.
#53 Dinner party bust/Falling squirrels
#52 Five ways to tell your fruit is going bad.
#51 Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
#50 Who the heck is this cranky Cranky person?
#49 Can you set my VCR?
#48 Cranky and Dinky do the questions.
#47 Why is the poll monthly?
#46 Pet bites Spanky & Backyard Vacation
#45 Spanky in toilet & TV dinners
#44 Paparazzi & Calling in a Ransom
#43 TROPICAL-O-RAMA Part II
#42 TROPICAL-O-RAMA Part I
#41 More Spanky for sale.
#40 Worst fear & Spanky for sale
#39 Are you red or white onions?
#38 Captain Kirk & Fat Hawaiian Man
#37 Where do they get seedless watermelons?
#36 I am missing a piece of my ear.
#35 Captain Kirk & 4th of July
#34 Water slide wedgie & find butt with both hands
#33 The 1997 Big Butt Extravaganza!
#32 Are you really a government census agent?
#31 Loveable Hanson boys & naked carwash
#30 Jason crazy glues his fingers
#29 Deer crossing & Shaggy and Scooby
#28 Exactly what type of questions get rejected?
#27 Meaning of Death & Explosives
#26 Clown eating cannibals
#25 Guess W. swallows gum
#24 Dust bunny fairy tale
#23 Cat\buttered toast
#22 Belly-button lint
#21 Firecracker up a frogs bee-hind
#20 Tree hits mime
#19 Spanky joins team
#18 Sterilize the needles for lethal Injections
#17 Kool-Aid man falls over
#16 Rank Food
#15 Visitor sends in joke
#14 Butt Cracks
#13 What do French restaurants do with frog arms?
#12 What does jumbo shrimp mean?
#11 Cow laughs really hard
#10 Dear Parade Magazine
#9 Who invented the wedgie?
#8 Bill Gates & Microsoft junk
#7 Shrink wrapped cow
#6 Old man pants
#5 Fatal wedgie
#4 Why is abbreviation such a long word?
#3 Light bulb screwed in butt
#2 Sparky begins wacky answers
#1 Unanswered Questions (Historic)




REJECTED ARCHIVE
#56 Final Rejected Questions.
#55 Spankenstein rejects the questions.
#54 Sparky threatens to kill visitor.
#53 Poll write-in vote and leg humping question.
#52 May I take your order? and Why should I ask you a question?
#51 Is my name Jethro? and Isn't Spanky immortal?
#50 Ramen Noodles kill Spanky.
#49 Henry Kissinger rejects some of the questions.
#48 Peanut butter and Mr.Bitter burns eyelashes.
#47 I finally solved the biggest mystery of all time.
#46 Mr. Fizzles falls off eight foot cliff.
#45 Elvis Shortliver throws up.
#44 Favorite laxative and Dance around naked.
#43 Most Embarrassing Moment.
#42 New Years Special.
#41 Could I be a big robot sea monster?
#40 How much longer till I get fired?
#39 Dead Elvis & Professional assassin.
#38 Sparky/Spanky fight over question.
#37 Why do you ask us to send you a question when you will reject it?
#36 Who has the best pizza?
#35 100 monkeys at a typewriter.
#34 Blow up your own airbag.
#33 Secret code from Chinese spies.
#32 The "too good for this site" question. (Bad Mistake)
#31 Which is better, Jurassic Park or Superman III?
#30 Harry & the Hendersons.
#29 Is Chewbacca chewy?
#28 Joe Torre with bunny slippers.
#27 Pollster with weird name & Gravity.
#26 Appliance asks question.
#25 Visitor with fake name.
#24 Man speaks in the forest / Space Station Mir.
#23 Aids cure for corporate giants.
#22 Smelly question & Good looking question.
#21 Sparky shoots himself.
#20 Visitor's computer hooked to coffee maker.
#19 Speed of light Pinto.
#18 Tito Jackson & Is the earth really flat?
#17 Big Song & Ass from a Hole in Ground
#16 Time Travel & Communist Party
#15 The 1997 Big Butt Extravaganza!
#14 Pole in Ear & Struck by Lightning
#13 Vacuuming & Dead Heather
#12 Horny Aardvark & Pillsbury Doughboy
#11 Loud Visitor & Fishing Channel
#10 Cartoon Busty Women & Longest Visitor Name
#9 Dennis Leary & Stalkers
#8 Silly as all Hell One Year Anniversary Issue
#7 Laughing Visitor & Drive on Parkways No. 1000
#6 Duck & Lethal Injections
#5 Collapse of Balkans & Choke a Smurf
#4 Retard Girlfriend & My Foot Hurts
#3 More Cat Buttered Toast & Flat Chested Woman
#2 Cat Buttered Toast & Really, Really BIG question
#1 Chicken Crossing & I Touch Myself





COMPLAINT ARCHIVE
Recent Complaints
#3 Dominius Mookpiloh lost his pants.
#2 Sir John-a-lot wants to see Cranky open up a can of whup-ass.
#1 MoleStank can't fit nickle.