Visitor Question Of The Week Archive:
#31 Welcome to wwwVOice's rather disturbing archive.... Enjoy!



Hey! my face. 6/9/97
Spank/arky, If there were no sponges in the ocean, would there be more water?
-anonymous-
Yes, but the fish would be much dirtier.
-Sparky-

Sparky, how can I convince my 4 year old that money doesn't grow on trees?
-anonymous-
The best thing to do is to dress up as one of the Power Ranger bad guys, hide behind the couch, wait for your 4 year old to walk by, jump up and make a really loud "blllllllrrrgggggg" sound. This should scare the beejesus out of them. Once you have their full attention you can go on about the value of money. It might also be a good time to slip in something about how a part time job would really help everybody out.
-Sparky-

Hey! my face. Have you ever run naked through a car wash with hamsters strapped to your thighs? And if so, were they fancy or brown?
-R. Gere-
Dear Mr. Gere, (loved you in Pretty woman) Funny you should mention this. It's actually how Sparky and I met.
-Spanky-

I have abducted those loveable "Hanson" boys who sing That cheerful, peppy, yet grating MMMBop song. Should I torture them then kill them, or should I kill them straight out? If so what are some recommended torture methods? Would any third-world countries be interested in a trade of the boys for hostages? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
-weetchex-
Dear weetchex, Although I don't usually condone torture or homicide. I think in the case of the Hanson boys we could make an exception. Probably the first thing I would do (and it's not like I planned this or anything) would be to call AOL daily, claim that I never received any disks and give them the Hanson's address. Then I would get them a date with the Spice girls, liquor the whole bunch up and beat the lot of them to death with some old Osmond records.
-Sparky-

Dear Spanky/Sparky which one of you is better looking???
-some stupid person-
I am.
-Sparky-

Dear Spanky/Sparky which one of you is better looking???
-some stupid person-
I am.
-Spanky-

If a man speaks in forest and no woman is around to hear him is he still wrong?
-some stupid person-
Spanky said yes. Sparky said no. Spanky said Sparky's wrong again.
-Spanky-

Spanky, What is spam REALLY made of? Someone once told me it's made out of horse meat. By the way, do you have any oats on you? I'm a little hungry.
-Mr. Ed-
Dear Mr. Ed, You will be relieved to know that Spam, the miracle meat of the century, is in fact made from the soft underbelly of eels, hence the extreme tastiness. The eels are slid into a top secret "Spamular Reactor" where they're mashed around for 127 hours, while being marinated with camel spit. Now, aren't you relieved it's not made out of horse meat?
-Spanky-

When someone is dying, it's said they're on their 'death bed'. My question is how on earth do bed sellers sell these death beds - they sound like death traps to me ?
-brod-
Two for one sales.
-Sparky-


An adjective is "heterological" if and only if it does not apply to itself. The word "short" is not heterological because "short" is short. "Multisyllabic" is not heterological because "multisyllabic" is multisyllabic. The word "long," however, is heterological, because it is not long. Is "heterological" heterological?
-anonymous-
No, but only because I'm not sure what you're asking.
-Sparky-

Why is it that the neighbors dog has to come over to MY yard to do his business when they have a yard of their own?
-anonymous-
It's a special obedience school that they go to, but here's what you do. Collect all the dog doo, form it into the shape of a giant cat, and plop it down in your yard. Although dogs usually chase cat's, I believe that a giant one made out of poop should scare him away.
-Sparky-

Sparky, can I go to the bathroom?
-anonymous-
Do you have a pass?
-Sparky-

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
-charlie@33ad.com-
It depends on what color shoes she's wearing.
-Spanky-

Is it to early to submit a question for June's Butt Extravaganza? Do we have to submit butt questions? If we have to submit butt questions, is that infringing on our right to free speech?
-Cherries-
Dear Cherries, No, it's not too early, it's June and the "Big Butt Extravaganza" is finally under way. Although questions this week need not be butt related, it will be the theme all this month.
-Sparky-





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