Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!
I don't know about you, but even after all these years, Henry Kissinger gives me hives. Could you guys explain this please? And here I thought he was dead or something.
I must say that I do not now, and never have knowingly given hives to anybody, to the best of my knowledge.
Henry Kissinger is soooo sexy...I heard you guys had connections...think you could get me a date?
I must say that I do not now, and never have knowingly been called "sexy" to the best of my knowledge. I also have never knowingly been out with a "Munky" to the best of my knowledge.
Can you tell me where I could get a cool pair of glasses like the style Henry Kissinger used to wear -- or was that Spirow Agnew? No, no, it was definitely Henry Kissinger. . . Whatever happened to that guy anyway?
I must say that I do not now, and never have knowingly worn Spirow Agnew's glasses, to the best of my knowledge.
i love paste. i eat it and it gives my tummy that reinforcement i need every day. i just wish i could force out an excrement. do you think this is related? my doctor told me i might have hardening of the intestines or something. he asked me to bring in a stool sample, but all i could produce was a little brown "trinket" which happened to look alot like "Henry Kissinger" - i had to keep it! now i charge 3 bucks a person to view it. do you wanna see it? (i'd only charge you 2 bucks). Please help me with my bowels as i am not eating anything (except paste) until you respond!
I must say that I do not now, and never have knowingly been "poop-shaped," to the best of my knowledge.
Okay, I've been having this horrible reoccurring dream where I'm at the circus and the little clown car pulls up. Suddenly, all the clowns come pouring out. Strangely, they all look like Henry Kissinger in drag with a green wig. They then surround me and start lecturing me on foreign policy. I'm screaming, screaming, screaming. Then I wake up. What does this all mean?
I must say that I do not now, and never have knowingly worn a green dress, to the best of my knowledge. And if you have pictures, I have no knowledge of them either.
Henry Kissinger appeared to me in a dream last week and told me that I would be taken aboard a space ship where I would impregnate 147 former white house interns on the way to some distant world, and once there I would become the supreme ruler of the galaxy. What does this mean? Oh yeah, did I mention he had a fake pair of size 34F hooters strapped to his head?
I must say that I do not now, and never have knowingly worn a size 34F pair of prosthetic hooters, nor have I impregnated 147 white house interns on a spaceship, to the best of my knowledge.
I heard some girl on the street say that Henry Kissinger was a h0ttie. What the heck did she mean by THAT??
- Fred The Stick Figure -
I must say that I do not now, and never have knowingly seen this alleged "woman," nor have I impregnated 147 white house interns on a spaceship, to the best of my knowledge.
Would Henry Kissinger fit in the delicate social environment of a New England trailer park?
-Madame George and her Dancing Hitlers-
I have no knowledge of any trailer park, or any information pertaining to those sheep at the referred to park, or any other park I may not know about.
Who would win in a bitch-slap fight: Bob Cuccioli or Henry Kissinger?
-Madame George and her Dancing Hitlers-
I must say that I do not now, and never have knowingly "bitch-slapped" Bob Cuccioli , to the best of my knowledge.
I wasn't at all surprised when I heard that Disney was hiring Henry Kissinger, but I was apalled to find out that his job description consisted of walking around the park all day wearing the Winnie the Pooh costume. I see the resemblance, but come on...Is this what happens to old political guys? How sad! What next...Bob Dole wearing the mouse costume at Chuck E Cheese?
I must say that I do not now, and never have knowingly worn a "Pooh" costume and have "bitch-slapped" neither Bob Dole nor A.A.Milne , to the best of my knowledge.
(_|_) Sparky, do you think my butt is too big??
-Henry Kissinger from Croydon, Pa-
If I say yes, will you "bitch-slap" me?
Would you rather be inflated with a garden hose or run over by a steamroller?
Rejected, I have not been fully briefed on the current "steamroller/garden hose" conflict.
If onions are so funny, why do they make people cry?
Blew nose on question.
Well, fellow onionheads, it looks like I'm off to Iraq. I'll be coordinating strike missions with Stealth Fighters at night, and lead the Czechoslovakian 13th Brigade during daytime ground manuvers. Do you guys want to see Saddam Hussien's bloodied, beaten, body, before I mount his head on my trophy wall?
Rejected, guy's probably halfway around the world by now.
Dear White Eyeball-less Onionheads, Hello. I've noticed that many of the WB and Disney characters are either half or totally naked. Look at Daffy duck, he's totally naked! Mickey Mouse has pants, but i don't see a shirt on 'im. Then there's Donald Duck. Well whoopee, look at him, he's got a shirt but he ain't got no pair of pants on! Look at Goofy, he's ugly. Children watch these perverted characters everyday on TV and quite frankly I think it's disgusting. It is not only disgusting but revolting as well. It is not revolting but nauseatingly gross, too. Not only is it putrid, but it is horrid as well. WHY MUST THEY INFLUENCE CHILDREN THIS WAY? Don't they know what they're doing? They are polluting innocent minds and giving out the subliminal message of "sex...sex...sex..."? WHY?
Yours So Evah Evah Truly wooly, -=Hok=-
Question too hard.
I have a few questions that my friends have asked my that I have had problems answering. Is it faster to New York or by train? What's the difference between a duck? Are his feet both or the same?
-Thanks for your help, blank stare-
Couldn't figure any good way to correlate New York, duck, train and feet without talking about El Nino.
Why do they call them buildings when they're already built? Why don't they just call them builts?
Question didn't get proper permit.
Does Elvis Shortliver have a long pancreas?
Yeah, I think he has a pancreas extender.
Why is there a banana on top of my monitor?
Shhhh... don't turn around, there's a giant gorilla behind you.
Can you tell me where I can buy you guys a couple of eyeballs each? (Not those googly ones, please.)
Rejected, question almost poked my eye out!
I can't find my car keys... I dropped them, and before I could pick them up, this bird swooped down and carried them off. I think it was one of those big grackles--you know, the ones that peck at your garbage? Maybe it's trying to eat them at this very moment. My question is, where do you think a grackle would hide car keys?
Clapped my hands and a bunch of Grackles showed up and pooped all over the question.
Who is the smartest castaway on Gilligan's Island?
Rejected, question had a 4 foot hole in the side of it and we only had an entire jungle full of trees to fix it with.
Who's nerdier? Sparky or Spanky?
Used question to tape up the middle of my glasses.
If being gay is a sin, does that mean Satan's a homo?
Who ist der Elvis Kurzeleber? Und why dost he torment me sooo? Bitte antworten, so das ich essen gehen kann. Ich bin an einem Hungerstreik bis du antwortest.
-Karen from Philladelphia-
Question actually translates into top secret waffle syrup recipe.
There's another conspiracy theory making its way around the net that you and Spanky are behind the B. Gates pie attack. Gonna 'fess up?
-De Ole Sarge-
Saving question to whip at next bigshot software mogul that happens along.
If somehow the Spam Bomb Club developed a veggie Spam [we're vegan], would it be classified as:
A) Artificial meat
B) Artificial veggies
C) The stuff lunch ladies in hair nets served.
-Thankee! ~MWUAHAHAHHA The Spam Girl!~-
It would be a "spamato" or some kind of "spalad" I think.
Sometimes, late at night, when I am alone and the soft breeze is blowing I think of this page and I think to myself that..if loving a website like this is crazy.....well then I never want to be sane. Is that ok with you S&S?
Okay with me but Spanky says that leaving your window open like that at night is crazy.
I was just wondering if any of you guys got gas from Last Week's McDonalds question. It's really starting to stink around here... Have you guys EVER gotten a serious question from someone who has no business being here?
-Dominius Mookpiloh, Lord Of All That Is Sweet And Tasty-
Lost question under all the Stick-Ups©.
What does "It's straight up Froth, Joe!" mean? I need to know this to function in today's work force. It was on an official sign. I've been assured that no crack was involved in the alleged creation of said sign. Foiled again by middle class suburban upbringing!
-Nanda, Playing Corporate Chutes and Ladders-
Although we love Nanda, we have no idea whatsoever what she's talking about.
Hey Sparky and Spanky. So howcome there's so much ballyhoo about President Clinton having sex with other women lately. Do they all want money from him or are they all secretly complaining because his dinky is too small and using the news media as their sounding board.
-The great "barnaby wild" strikes again.-
The Secret Service came by and told us to avoid any questions referring to dinky ballyhoo.
What would you choose to assassinate Sadamn Hussein with?
1.A thermonuclear device?
2.The Aids virus?
3.The Fleas of 10,000 camels?
Simply blackmail him with some sexual information from one of those "black garbed, veiled, unwashed Iraqi babes.
Apple poi or cherry poi?
Question too dippy.
If you burp, fart, sneeze, hic-up, and cough all while standing on your head (no offense seeing that that's all you are) what would happen? Would it be something really cool?
We were standing there and the question asked us to pull it's finger.
Would a cruise missile filled with Belgian pie throwers be a good terror weapon to launch against Iraq?
Rejected, I think one of those little vile pink Hostess pie things would be enough to give the entire population of Iraq dysentery.
Reverend Jough from his bathroom
how come wherever i go there's a smurf hiding behind me, only to trot away when i spin around to try and catch the bastard? whats the deal?!
Always reject questions from visitors with Smurfobia.
Does the Rev. Jough stay crunchy in milk?
- The President, CEO, and Founder of Megaspork Industries -
Rejected. Although it does depend on the temperature of the milk.
Reverend Jough from his kitchen
When I was a Yougun, I would ask my dad to tell me a story and this is the story he would tell me. It was a dark and stormy night and three thieves sat on the edge of a cave. One thief said to the other "tell me a story" and thus the story began. It was a dark and stormy night and three thieves sat on the edge of a cave. one thief said to the others "tell me a story" and thus the story began. It was a dark and stormy night and three thieves sat on the edge of a cave when one thief said to the others "tell me a story" and thus the story began... Unforunatly I never made it to the end of the story or even to the exciting part before I fell asleep. so I was wondering if you could tell me the rest of the story.
Spanky said, that I said, that Spanky said that I said that Spanky said that I said to reject this.
Which would you like to see nailed in the ass with a pitchfork- Bill CLinton or his Boss, Hillary?
To much carpentry involved.
So... why is it that your most common rejection now a days is "so and so forgot question mark?" Aren't there more original ways to say this? Such as "so and so is really stupid, because he is not following the directions. The title clearly says in orange and green that you must send a Question. You did not send a question. You are rejected. You are so dumb and stupid that you don't deserve to live on the face of the earth, much less this faceless webpage." Just a thought. What do you think? (<<<--- note I ended with a QUESTION!! Right?)
Rejected, the second question seemed rhetoric so I don't believe it needed a question mark.
elvis shortliver sucks! he don't know sCENSOREDt about life, and he ain't that damn funny. will you continue to reject his questions? i think you better or i will drive out to funyonville and show you what it means to make an onion cry! elvis, i hope you come down with cholera and wither into oblivion, or whatever dead musicians do...
Visitor forgot question mark.
I'm trying to write a TV sitcom about onions and the company they keep in the kitchen. I've already got you two onions as the lead characters and a working title of "Lunatic Fridge." However, I need some help with some supporting characters...any ideas???
Our wacky neighbor Norm told us to reject this, as did our nutty homosexual boss and the sensitive always helpful bartender, Phil at "Drop on in."
How come all the people in Australia don't fall off of the Earth? Do they have toilet plungers on their feet, or something?
Couldn't answer, lost question "down under" the sofa.
Where did the phrase "Bite Me" come from?
Ohh, THAT question's gonna leave a mark.
What other commodities should Oprah knock on her t.v. show?
Mad onion disease?
Question too short.
How are those African pygmies doing in their rise to power? You think if they actually manage to take over the world, they'll get jeweled booster seats?
Question too short. (Bwha ha ha ha ha)
I have a question. What is it?
I have an answer, rejected.
Dear Sparkazoid, How high is up?
Almost there, I'll get to this one next week.
HELP! HELP! OH, THE PAIN!!! I AM DIGGING MY OWN GRAVE!! WHY DO THEY TORMENT ME SO???
Question was so loud it woke the neighbors.
What is people's facination with Monica giving the president a blCENSOREDob? I'm sure that whole three inches was a delightful after dinner treat. Are people just suprized that after John, I uh, mean, Janet Reno's sex change that Ole Billy Boy actually found someone to play with his little brain? I mean, he's the president for God sakes, who knows how many hookers have had their hands on the world's leading dCENSOREDk? In my expeirience, he wasn't that bad... CCENSOREDs quick... But a little KFC will fix anything.
-*Kentucky Fried Rattail*-
Question sucked. Seemed to be "heading" in the wrong direction.
What do you call those little plastic thingys on the end of shoelaces and where would I go to learn how to make them?
Lit question on fire with a blowtorch.
My Question is that age old question that no one can seem to answer. But I bet that you are smarter than all those others, here it is... Why is the sky green, no wait the grass is green. Why is the sky blue? Did I get that right this time?
Hmmmm....How can I say this politely.....If someone was to never let a belch out, would they lose brain cells?? (I'm concerned for my friend...honest it's not me!) Phew! I think they bought that it was for a friend!! WHOHOO! Shut up brain.
Think question was actually from two people.
What is/was the worst smell in the history of humanity? I keep thinking of 'Bring out your dead' day during the plague, but I'm sure that there's a better one.
Forgot about question after passing out after sniffing Sparky's Order Eaters.
do you like cheese?
Yes, but I just don't have anything more to say about it. Except, question had holes all over it, couldn't read it.
Is is wrong that sometimes I go poo poo 3 times a day and other times I can skip three days between trips to the toilet Is there something medically wrong with me or something? I mean, I eat 3 squares a day and my diet rarely varies that much.
-Just wondering. --The irregular regular-- SLY-
Ate question just to add a little more fiber into my diet.
One ringy-dingy....two ringy-dingy......Oh, a gracious good evening.....is this the website of which I'm typing to?
Please deposit 35 cents for the next 3 rejections.
Who is "the Piper," and how do I avoid having to pay him?
Question led the other questions onto the rejected page.
Are you sure that Clinton didn't have an afair with Sadaam's wife?
Which wife, Biff?
Why can't Jeannie and Samantha just solve every problem in the world? I mean, everyone would be grateful to them and their husbands wouldn't have to hide them anymore.
-Confused in TN-
Question made my nose wiggle so I stuffed it in a bottle.
I think all of your answers to question 1 of the poll suck, so I am going to add my own answer. Give Clinton 30something blCENSOREDbs.
Rejected, visitor said our question "sucked."
Why is it that the fifty yard line, behind home plate, and the toilet are the "best seats in the house"??
- Andy Rott, Croydon, Pa-
Stood in line for over an hour to answer question.
Spanky, why doesn't your tongue have any color?
Slipped Sparky the question.
If I pore peroxide on it and it bubbles... should I still eat it?
Question too frothy.
Visitor probably dead by now anyway.
Amrrica... i lik two pisss the nit awae heer... Hee, bud uggly! I new yu was heer somewere! Im yur looooong looooost broter, Genbooba! I'lllll seend my Noo Butonn fast! P.S. Hasent me spelinn emproovd?
Rejected, thought I saw a typo.
What's the best way to drive your roommate bonkers?
*Get in shape, date noone, and dance with everyone
*Get a real voodoo dolly, and stick alot of pins in the crotch
*Take a mgmt. position with their co. and be their boss
*Two words~ Distributer Cap.
*Put their name on every mailing list you can find
*Hide one sock from every pair they own
~My wonderful roommate is here right now, and I would do none of these. (I'll be back to take poll later)
Sokay, I'll answer the question later.
huh? what question do you want me to send? (and don't say the one you are going to reject)
I want you to send the other one.
I found out about a year anda half ago that adolecent boys think about sex every 11 seconds. They think about for nine of those and that leaves two seconds where your can have a normal conversation with them. Why do they think about sex so much?
Rejected, question too.. uh.. boobs.. uh, breasts... now where was I?