Welcome to the rejected archive. Please enjoy these inferior questions!
May I take your order?
Rejected, couldn't understand question through crappy speaker.
Why should I ask you a question? Like I'd talk to you! Like I'd even like you! Come on! Who asks questions?
-Pllbbbbt!, Rinkydink Jones-
Spent all weekend trying to get question to like us, finally gave up and rejected it.
My cat sneaks out a lot at night. Yesterday when he was sleeping, I looked under the couch and found a little red suit with four legholes, and a blue cape, right next to his catnip mouse. You think my cat's leading a double life, maybe saving the universe at night? (No, the suit wouldn't fit on the dog.)
Didn't want to give away "Clark Cat's" secret identity.
Whar color are whale's fish eggs?
Rejected, still looking for cracker big enough.
In my package of 'Wizard of Oz' crocheted finger puppets, I did not receive one munckin. What have people got against the munchkins?! Where would the movie be without them, I ask?
Flying monkey came and stole question.
how come if you plant an onion upside down it still grows rightside up? can you just plant spanky's body? what fertilizer would you use?
-thinking way too hard on a friday night-
Rejected, didn't like vision of being buried upside down in cow manure.
Dear Onions, I've read the sexy letters in your forum and never thought anything like that would happen to me, until one day at the laundromat. let me first start by describing myself, I am 6'7", 324 pounds with a sloped cranium and one continuous eyebrow. I am very hairy. One day, while washing my bear skin loin cloth, I happened to lean my mammoth warclub against a machine when I noticed a pair of sultry siamese twins giving me the eye. Now an ogre of my proportions is used to getting a look now and again, but the look these two were giving me..well, lets just say it put me into a spin cycle. ...oh damn, wrong web page..how the hell do I erase this....
Think -<<Ogre>>- may be thinking with the wrong head again.
My friend is deeeeeeply disturbed. He keeps trying to take a shower with no clothes on. What should I do?
-Mad Anthony Wayne-
Question left ring around tub.
If I were to begin a business selling mugs and t-shirts with my likeness on them, would you invest in it? And do you think I could get my own cartoon show, too?
-Fred The Stick Figure-
Rejected. Had bad dream about not completing Stick Figure glassware collection.
While it appears that Spanky may be getting better, it might be a good idea to protect yourselves for the future. Have Spanky and Sparky considered getting together to, uh..., well..., you know... so there'll be some Onionheadettes to carry on the tradition if the inevitable ever happens again?
Burped and Diapered question. Forgot all about answering it after it cried all night.
Please inform Spam Girl that, while women who smell like synthetic meat products really do turn me on, I am unfortunately not single. I was recently listed 3rd in the Fornication 500 for engaging in marital affairs with each of my 27 wives over the course of a single day. If Spam Girl is interested though, I'm only three wives away from being number 1. . . The only condition is that she be willing to live in the Micronesian islands since polygamy is illegal in the U.S.
Rejected, Jason forgot question.
I tried to feed my dog some Spam yesterday, but he wouldn't eat it. I thought all dogs loved salty, processed meatstuffs, but he just refuses to touch it. Is there something wrong with him?
Think visitor forgot to take Spam out of the can.
Why do they call them computer thingies mice? Look more like mini psycho robots to me.
Fed question to pet snake.
-World's shortest question person-
Visitor spelled Ow! wrong.
Do you have the time?
Not really, been pretty busy lately.
Mommy tod me sno is gods dandref. Truye?
Shampooed question with Head and Shoulders.
Why don't you send me a question?
OK here goes.
How are you?
Luv Spanky and Sparky
I have no money. Can I have yours?
Could I have one of those African Pygmies as a pet? I'd treat him real nice, and rename him Shep, and he could be my bestest buddy. How 'bout it?
Feared I would have to walk and feed Shep.
If you had Saddam tied up in your basement, would you:
A) Rip out his windpipe and play it like a flute?
B) Make him watch "Barney and Friends" on a 50-inch stereo TV with the volume on the "California earthquake" setting?
C) Use his testacles as pincushions?
D) Ask him sadistic questions like this one?
Always reject questions that have testicles and pincushion in the same sentence.
Onions, Jesus loves me, yes I know, because he keeps telling me so. I had to break it off with him (he kept turning my my water in the fridge to wine), but he keeps calling. What should I do?
Mmmm... Mochas. I like mochas. A lot. Yum. The mix of coffee and chocolate. Oh no! I have to go to class now! But I forgot to ask the question. Where's the bathroom?
Was too busy watching question do the "little potty dance."
who is most likly to keep "going" forever?
1. The energizer bunny
2. Jenny Mcarthy
3. Bill Clinton
4. Pamala Lee Andreson
Already had pee related question this week.
I'm sorry to hear about Spanky's recent (possible)demise and it is obvious she was much loved by the outpouring of letters you have received bitchin' about it ! If anyone wants to contact her . . . or anyone else in the "Hereafter" try Heavens Phonebooth... a service of the Corporate Reciprocal Advertising Program
Rejected, God wouldn't accept my collect call.
Is it just a coincidence that all the best answers also happen to be the best ones this week?
Rejected, the best I could.
I had a dream last night that my boyfriend was making out with Baby Spice. I heard that dreams reflect reality, so does that mean that he's REALLY having an affair with her?
Don't be silly, dreams are not reality, just last night I had a dream some Shanda person was going to ask me about her boyfriend.
All right, you guys want "half-questions" then that's
Fine, be that wa
sometimes the old timers in my neighborhood put potatoes in their crotches and bop each other with brooms. i really do not understand this, but they say the reason is this: back after WWII, when some of the soldiers came home, their girlfriends weren't so "loyal" to them and went off and found other "non-military men". these men, feeling that their loss was so total, put potatoes in their crotches and chased each other with a broomstick. then they would pummel each other with sausage patties. by the way, they did this on the town common in the daylight. my question is this: how do i go about having this added into american history books? it seems an important part of history, and i recently saw one of the original sausage patties appraised on the "antique roadshow" for 68,000 dollars! please help solve my dilemma, as i am not eating any meat products until i can determine their age and historical significance.
Sorry flunked history 101.
Which do you prefer: OK, Okay, or Okie-Dokie (can be followed by artichokey) This problem has plagued me for weeks.
I remember long ago there was speculation that, although Fred Flinstone was a real actor, Wilma got her acting job on her back. Have there been any recent revelations on her acting skills and has she been doing any work lately?
Last I heard she had checked herself into the Betty Rubble Center.
If peanut oil comes from peanuts, and olive oil comes frmo olives, where DOES baby oil come from? (from The Search For Signs Of Intelligent Life In The Universe)
Not sure, but question made me look at my box of Girl Scout cookies in a new light.
I WILL NOT BE OUTDONE!!!!!! the title of the longest question belongs to me!!! I will have the longest question again, I will not relinquish my title!!! I will write the longest question! I will not give up without a fight!!!I will never giver in to idle threats... soon I will write the longest question any onionhead anywhere has ever seen!!! (but not today, ‘cuz I don't have time) so my question is... why is the sky purple? I mean, I always say that the sky is blue but I'm not blind, I can see that it's green (I mean purple) and I know that there must be some sort of conspiracy theory that's going on trying to brainwash me into thinking that the sky is blue, and in fact that everything that is purple is blue... IT'S THE CONSPIRACY OF BLUE!!!! I will not fall victim!! I refuse!!! I will not believe what you tell me!!! I will forge out on my own and discover my own answers... I WILL NOT fall victim to the conspiracy of mediocrity that this world suffers from, I will not let them brainwash me!!! Blue blue everything is blue... (everything's blue in this world, the deepest shade of mushroom blue all fuzzy, spilling out of my head) everything's blue and everything's numb, I will not succumb to the numbness that permeates our everyday existence!!! I will not! I cannot allow myself to ... Take a look at your fellow conspirators in a few years and see where they are!! then look where I am and I will be laughing at you, at all of you, you who do not believe, you doubters, you conspirators of mediocrity, look up at me and worship WORSHIP ME!!!! I will not be mediocre (or tapioca or vanilla pudding or cardboard or ochre or blue or white or eggshell) I refuse to become you! I will be me, whatever the cost and I will sever the head of anyone who gets in my way (and that includes you, Mr. Dumbasa Mudpie) you better believe it!!! I will not be usurped from my illustrious position by someone who is admittedly mediocre and jealous and just downright evil... I WON'T LET YOU GET ME!!!! hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha so there. I can beat you any day, Mr. Dumbasa Mudpie, and so I hereby challenge your question, you have no right to take the longest question from me, I will write the longest question again... just not today... so anyways, back to my question, why is the sky purple? have I taken my pills today? I don't think I have... sorry if I said anything weird, but I have this other personality, her name is Katherine, and if I forget to take my pills, she sometimes comes out and says some... stuff .. you know, anyways, I gotta go take my pills [they're little and yellow>:)]
Think Valerie needs to open up a little more and tell us how she really feels.
Do you think Brian Wehrman (this kid at my school)is the Devil? Beacause I do and I want your opinion.
Question rose two feet above the monitor, spun around and produced some yummy pea soup.
A friend of mine told me this joke. There was a Bear and a Rabbit, both taking a dump side by side. the bear looks at the rabbit and says "Hey Rabbit, you ever have trouble with dung gittin' stuck to your fur?" The Rabbit said "Why no. Then the Bear says "I didn't think so", Then the Bear picked up the Rabbit and the Bear wiped his ass with the Rabbit. Funny Joke, huh. But it still dosen't answer the oldest question in the book. So I'll ask you, oh wise and all knowing onions. Does a Bear sCENSOREDt in the woods?
-The great "Barnaby Wild" Strikes Again-
Lit question on fire and put it on neighbors porch.
Would it be considered rude to threaten someone's life with a cheese grater, a callou scraper, a flock of sheep, and a bucket of used cheese whiz? If so, could you spot me fifty bucks. I wanna see what happens if cheese covered sheep with no callouses and cheese graters tied to their heads will attack that mean Ol Mr. Clinton!
- ***KentuckY Fried Rattail***-
Secret Service guys said we should ignore this one, they will take care of it.
Why are their polar bears in southeast Asia?
- ***KentuckY Fried Rattail***-
There just vacationing there.
Why, do they have brail numbers at drive up ATM machines?
So people can write us about it.
Where do they find all of those moths with elephantiasis of the testicles?
Had a ball rejecting this question.
As I am exhausted from writing that looong letter I wrote you, I thought I might grace you some more with my lovely words: That women's magazine, "Allure" said that it's Editor's Choice of Nail Polish under 12 dollahs is Cover Girl. What do you think the best nail polish is? I know you don't have hands, but how about I try some on you head?
Still waiting for question to dry.
Frank, am I a playground? Shall you not get off this hallowed earth?
-Raw Dog Davis-
Accidentally got Frank's mail again.
Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys tonight guys thanks
-chris vasquez de la hoya-
Still waiting for restraining order to be delivered to thankful visitor.
I'm trying my hand at poetry. Tell me what you think.
Like pus-filled spleens,
The neighbors squish,
I blow out candles,
And make a wish,
That I get some god-damn roller blades for my birthday.
I fumble with wrapping,
Bit by bit,
"Here, use a knife."
"Ouch! Oh SCENSOREDt!"
Now I'm bleeding all over the friggin' floor like a stuck pig.
The blood is squirting
On my face,
On linen cloths,
And bras of lace.
My mom is gonna be pissed at me when she finds out she has to pay for all of this.
I run around the store,
Like a bat out of Hell.
I find some wool socks,
That mend my finger well.
I guess that's what I get for listening to my older brother, and not waiting to open my birthday presents when I get home.
Do you like it? I call it "The Centerfuge Makes Me Sick"
Rejected, "socks" doesn't rhyme with store.
Look, onion heads, help me. My stupid father is here and he's basically telling me what a screw up I am, and I can't just say F*** off because he'll beat the s*** outta me. He'll hurt my can of Spam too. I've got a cabinet in front of my door. NOW WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
-~MWUAHAHAHAH . . the Spam Girl~-
Didn't want to upset the bonding ritual of this father daughter relationship.
Called question a cab.
Why do they still make spam? Everyone hates it. Nobody buys it.Why do they still make that sCENSOREDt?It makes no sense.Why????????
Rejected, visitor wants Spam employees to lose their jobs.
Why does Garfield like lasanga so much?It isn't that good.Why not spaghetti,or pizza? Why lasanga???????????????
Question left nasty tomato sauce stain on keyboard.
I really am confused with your deep question of the week.
1) I thought Pamela Anderson IS a Ho(ho)
2) Too late
3) He would gorge himself before any smaking could occur
4) Funny. Funnier: A fruit cake being smacked with Elton John
5) We could never let that happen and allow posh to form a figure (and breasts)
And where do i put the Nickel? Last time I didn't have one and the spice girl got away easy by just being licked.
Question refers to last months questions which are now... last months questions.
sparky, why does love stink? And I don't mean puppy love or like love, I mean the real bag 'o taters looooove.
Think it has something to do with Pheromones.