It's interesting, it's topical, it's old. Welcome to the poll results archive!
Results: Pope's Pointy Hat Voted Best Weapon: "The Pope's pointy hat" was the clear weapon of choice for assassinating Fidel Castro in the recent Ow! poll, beating runner up "Some fresh McDonald's coffee" by a 30 vote margin. Strangely enough, the next most popular choices "a sawed off Dustbuster" and "Lee Press on Nails" went on to decisively beat both "a gun" and "a 2x4 with a spike in it" confirming our suspicions that most of our voters are harmless, as well stylish and tidy. (complete numbers below)
Results: Libyan Terrorist Training Best Way to Nab Post Office Job: "Spend the summer at a Libyan terrorist training camp" was the number one choice in last months poll question; "What's the best way to get a job at the post office?" The real surprise however was that "Spit-shine the stamp machine," the most viable solution, ended up in last place with less than 13% of the total vote. Which is just as well because, you'd probably end up with a lot of stamps stuck to your tongue.
Results: Most Pollsters Prefer to Hit Spice Girls With Dozen Donuts: Who would you most like to see get smacked with which dessert? The results are in and "Spice Girls With Dozen Donuts" beat out all the others with almost 30% of the votes. "Jenny McCarthy with a 125mph Jolly Rancher" nabbed second place with 21%, Third, "Monica Lewinsky with a Frozen Banana," 19%, "Pamela Anderson with a HoHo" and "Elton John with a fruit cake" with 11% respectively, and pulling up the rear, "Rush Limbaugh with an eclair" with a paltry 7%. I should note however that the Spice Girls probably only won due to being the single biggest target.
The final February/March 98 poll numbers.